Yesterday.. I felt nothing.



Today, I feel everything.



Denial.

It can't be over. It just fucking can't. Over that? Are you serious? This is just a big joke, you'll show up at my door, crying. you'll be sorry. you'll do something. you will, you will, you will.



You won't...



Bargaining.

If I take a risk, do something, anything, you'll come back. Or I'll be ok. Or maybe I'll stop crying when nobody is looking. Or maybe it might just not have happened. What can I do?



Nothing.



Anger.

You asshole. After everything I've put up with, for a year, you can do this? Just leave me standing there, dumbfounded, tears rolling down my cheeks.. And you break up with me with a text message. I'm not worth more than a text message to you? You can't tell me with your own mouth. The minute I give in to your constant stubborn shit and fall in love with you YOU CANNOT HANDLE IT. There are so many things I'm angry about right now, get out of my head, stay away from my dreams. Stop violating everything I do, the most intimate of moments is invaded by you and the vision of your face sets me off into a deep, deep rage.



Despair.
The desperation clings to me. I'm trying, so so so hard not to want you back right now. You lit me up inside. I'm dizzy, I can't eat, sleep, or think straight. I'd give anything for that to not have happened, for us to be ok again. Pure and utter sadness has engulfed me right now. I'm smiling, and laughing, and all I want right now is to punch a wall, sleep it off, have a drink. But I can't, I can't because that's not me. I will get through this, I will and I've been through worse. Yeah it sucks but I have to suck it up and smile.

Acceptance.
I changed my phone number. Just in case you change your mind. I could never tell you to leave me alone, so I'm going to make sure I don't have to. I'd move if I could, just to erase any shadow of doubt in my mind. It's over and I am moving on, I feel like shit. I hate starting over. I feel like I'm constantly picking up the pieces of my broken heart and putting it back together just to hand it to another clumsy asshole. I hope you know how I feel threefold, I hope you're hurting really badly right now. I know of a million ways to make it harder on you, too. But I'm going to leave it alone, I'm going to leave you alone. Getting back at you will not make me better, it won't make me stronger.