ouch

I need to take a step back and let you take over. Yesterday I realized that I keep pushing and directing you. You screwed up, and you screwed up so badly the other night. I keep picking up the mess you make of me every time. I need you to make this up to me without having to walk behind you and tell you where to go. I need you to direct this relationship where you want it to go. I can't set my expectations somewhere and have you step all over them. I've made it too easy for you to be lazy about me. You do not treat me like a part of your life. I feel like more of a break from your real life, and that hurts me. And it is partly my fault for letting things get this way. I really do hope that you step up and show me that I mean something, I want this to go somewhere good. But this is where my goodwill ends. This will be the last time I sit around waiting for a change from you. It feels like you try so hard to get in, just to stop when I open the door. Well congratulations, I love you.

And I've never felt so alone.