Here I am, wishing I could explain to you why I am so messed up inside. You want so badly to be the one to fix me, you're standing there, always looking at me. Always waiting for me to let you in. I've been resilient, hurtful to you. The closer you come the more I lash out. You stubbornly stay right outside of the gate, staring at me with that intensity. I've never had a real man in my life before. I never realized what it was to have somebody accept and care for me, to pull me close and not let go at night in bed. Sometimes when you are sleeping I just cry, I can't stop, I don't want to. In the past I've dedicated myself to lost causes, I've sought love out from somebody who wasn't capable of loving me. When that came crashing down I stayed hurt for a long time. I was still broken when I met you, so I took my time. I kept you so far away, and like a bull you pushed and kicked your way closer. You are the most stubborn person I've ever known, and you're stupid for wanting me. I'm so broken, and I keep expecting for you to walk away. I fear that when I finally turn myself completely over, you will.

Please don't walk away.