Another year older. It feels OK, I suppose. There are worse feelings. Dinner was nice, there were friends and drinks all around. Then we went dancing. I was blasted, everything was good. Life is falling into place. Getting older I realize that angst and frustration is melting away. I stopped taking my prozac. I stopped crying over .. well you know ..

I went to Jessie's wedding. I was overwhelmed with emotions. Her mother didn't show up, it broke my heart. Her father wasn't alive to walk her down the aisle, and her sister is too drugged up to remember or care. I cried when her uncle made a speech and said "Your father was walking right beside me down the aisle Jess". And I cried to myself later, because deep down I do wish that I was in that bridesmaid's dress taking beautiful pictures and sitting with Jessie. I wanted to leave, it hurt so badly that I almost did. But Andre made me stay, he wouldn't just let me ditch my friend's wedding to pout and get drunk. I guess I really know what it means when someone saves you from yourself. That was my Karma, for telling her I didn't want to be in her wedding. Even though she was a bitch to me, even though things were the way they were, even though that really was what I wanted. I could barely even look at her all night. I guess for what it's worth.. I'm sorry Jessie.

Andre is wonderful, he's my roommate, and one of the best friend's I will ever have. We're like a married couple without the sex.. with each other anyway ;)

I have been trying to sort some things out in my head, I guess that's why I haven't been posting at all lately. I doubt anyone's noticed, and all, but god it's been like, crazy. Things keep changing, for the better and for the worst. But I'm mostly comfortable for now. Like I don't miss the crazy whirl, the crying, or the pain.

I guess I'm just OK :)