I've spent a lot of time lately trying to figure out what to do with myself.
And I'm no closer now than I was 21 years ago. There is no answer. There are no clues, no REAL clues. Nothing is set in stone, things change from day to day. Priorities change, people change, minds change, love changes, and relationships change. And I change, every other week you'll see me with a new hair color, though eventually you can be sure it will be a pretty blond hue and that's a fact. I change my clothing, I change my style all the time. I change my hairstyle, my makeup, my shoes, and my diet. I change these things because I can control these things. I'm beyond sick to death with changing love and people who aren't who you thought they were and how my opinion changes all the god damned time. And D? This is for you, too. I'm eternally tired of the phrase don't know if I ever loved you because it makes my eyes well up with tears. And why you had to say it. You denied it later but you said it. See how you change? See how things are constantly mixing you up inside? I've spent the last six months or so just feeling not good enough. I'm sick of NOT FEELING GOOD ENOUGH, because I AM good enough, I AM and I just wish for one second I could feel worth it again. I wish I could change that, but I can't so I change everything else.
I may look pretty today but it's still not good enough
And I'm no closer now than I was 21 years ago. There is no answer. There are no clues, no REAL clues. Nothing is set in stone, things change from day to day. Priorities change, people change, minds change, love changes, and relationships change. And I change, every other week you'll see me with a new hair color, though eventually you can be sure it will be a pretty blond hue and that's a fact. I change my clothing, I change my style all the time. I change my hairstyle, my makeup, my shoes, and my diet. I change these things because I can control these things. I'm beyond sick to death with changing love and people who aren't who you thought they were and how my opinion changes all the god damned time. And D? This is for you, too. I'm eternally tired of the phrase don't know if I ever loved you because it makes my eyes well up with tears. And why you had to say it. You denied it later but you said it. See how you change? See how things are constantly mixing you up inside? I've spent the last six months or so just feeling not good enough. I'm sick of NOT FEELING GOOD ENOUGH, because I AM good enough, I AM and I just wish for one second I could feel worth it again. I wish I could change that, but I can't so I change everything else.
I may look pretty today but it's still not good enough
posted by tara at 6:18 PM
2 Comments:
Tara, you are good enough. I admire that you have such control over so many things in your life. Believe it or not, this post was really inspiring to me. I think I can have some more control and change a few things in my life. I hope you feel empowered too by writing down these feelings. People come and go in our lives but it is up to us how those people leave their mark. They only effect us as much as we let them. *hugs*
I agree with Daphne. You are good enough. Don't let the past hinder you from living a wonderful present.
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